the day after 26.2

as i sit here a little over 24 hours after finishing the marathon i’m still in shock. when my alarm went off sunday morning, i had a thought that in just 12 hours it would be over and how that was almost no time at all.

in the moments leading up to starting, i tried to take everyone’s advice to heart. “just have fun, don’t go too fast out the gate, trust your training and smile.” things i thought would happen didn’t, and things happened that i didn’t expect. i ran nearly 6 miles straight, through the hilliest portion of the race. hills were my weakest part of training, and i was expecting the beginning of the race to be the slowest for me as well. i carried through, which gave me such a proud feeling in myself. around mile 7 i felt an immense pain in my hip that i had never felt in any training run before and that’s when doubt started to come. no matter how much you train and prepare, you can’t expect the unexpected.

that slowed me down, and that slowed pace is what i carried mostly throughout the race. towards the end i got slower as my pain levels increased. it’s hard, especially now in reflection mode to not think about things in a “what i could have done differently” lens. this was my first marathon. all i wanted was to finish, and i did. i accomplished so many things i didn’t think i would, and for that i’ll be forever proud of myself. i ran upwards of 85% of that race, which is more than most of my training runs. i felt the strongest and happiest i had during a run in a long time, even through the pain. i also felt the most supported, which i believe is what carried me through.

i owe so much to my support team (some, but not all pictured below). knowing i’d see friends and family at certain mile marks made me excited to get to not only get there, but gave me a boost of energy to keep going when i didn’t think i could any longer. i cried a lot in the week leading up to the race, and a little on the run itself. when i kept envisioning myself in the week before crossing the finish line to ease my anxiety i kept picturing myself alone. i’m not sure why, but that’s how my brain saw it. when i reached the finish, i saw my friends & family, and realized that i was about to turn into the final stretch completely alone. it was a moment that brought me so much joy, and when i crossed the finish i completely expected to burst into tears but i felt such relief. i finally felt free.

today i sit here sore, barely able to walk but still riding the high that is finishing a marathon. on some level i sit in disbelief. the person i was 3 or even 5 years ago would never have thought or believed this to be something that would happen. it’s a little comical watching my try to maneuver around my apartment, wobbling or unable to bend down. the pain is temporary but the accomplishment is a lifetime.

i may not have been the fastest, but i’m the proudest of myself and that counts the most.