the road to 26.2

i am not a runner. or i wasn’t.

the concept of running used to make me uncomfortable. in school running was a form of punishment. run days were the worst in gym class, i couldn’t run more than a few seconds before feeling i had to stop. to run for exercise, or even enjoyment, never crossed my mind.

i’ve had my personal struggles with health & fitness; we all do. for years, i had a goal that i’d resurface every new years eve to run a half marathon. i don’t ever remember a moment where something specifically happened that made me feel compelled to accomplish this goal, it was just pure determination to prove to myself that i could. every year i would say i’m going to try and run, and the next nye i’d say it again with the cycle repeating for years.

in 2020 when the gyms closed, I was at a loss with how to work out. I’d been going to the gym consistently for over two years at that point, and was concerned about how I’d be able to keep up my progress. influencers started hosting live workout classes, and i started running. i didn’t initially remember my half marathon goal, but my mileage increased weekly. around the week i was gearing up to run 5 miles for the first time was when i sat down and plotted out what it would take me to run 13, and then i got hurt. during that 5 mile run i started feeling sharp pain that i can only describe to be as if a nail was on the inside of your skin trying to poke out, but times 10, eh 20. after consulting many runner friends, it seemed i had the wrong shoes and a case of runners knee.

the rest of my time training to reach a full half marathon was by no means linear. i didn’t research anything, which in hindsight was the smartest idea someone who could barely run a mile two months earlier could have. i felt frustrated, tired, and defeated quite often, especially after getting in a car crash that pushed my “deadline” another two weeks out. i felt the most competitive i ever had, and i was only competing with myself. When i finally ran the half, i was so ill-prepared for the weather, i was calling friends at 7am on a Sunday asking them to use find my friends & bring me water. what was supposed to be low 60s and cloudy ended up turning into day one of the august 2020 heat wave. throughout everything, i had never been more proud of myself than i was in that moment.

increasing to a marathon was never, ever, ever on the list. i have to credit my uncle for being the first (and at the time only) person who thought i could do it. at the time the 2021 marathon was still slated for march* and i felt i had it in me to continue training. one of the most important things i know now, and would have known if i had done any research is how often runners need to change their shoes. in december, i got hurt again. i thought it was the same as before and followed a similar at home rehab routine. it wasn’t until january, where a simple 3 mile run made me cry to my roommate in sheer pain, convinced i broke my knee, that i went to the doctor.

i spent the following 8 months in physical therapy, only getting cleared to run again after 6. the toll it took on me mentally is something i still have yet to overcome, going from a strong 4 day per week run schedule to nothing at all was not an easy transition. i’m so thankful to my therapist** and all his patience working with me. since therapy ended i’ve been working towards training again, and it’s been way harder than before. i’m consciously aware of what i’m doing and trying to read about how to do it. i’ve felt i’ve had more ups and downs in these past three months than i did my entire time running last year. there are days i can barely get a mile in without questioning myself, and what I’m doing it for. you can train yourself physically but if you’re not equally as prepared mentally, it can break you.

this blog series is for me, to document my journey and how i’m feeling. there’s plenty of blogs or websites that will tell you the best things to eat or drink, how much you should sleep and rest, but a truly personal account of the highs and lows, is more for me as much as it is for anyone who reads.

hope you enjoy the journey as much as i am.

*the la marathon was rescheduled for nov. 7 2021

**i got my therapist referred by a friend’s running group, here at evolution